What is happening?

Why do I care so much? Am I in envy? Is it admiration? Am I jealous? Maybe I just don't want to see the truth. I know now, from experience, that the truth is very painful. You can't help who you love, can you?

I can't help but think that maybe it was all wrong to begin with. If I never pursued it, I would never have had to deal with these feelings. For me, it borderlines the impossible to deal with.

I think I have a bad habit of giving up and running away from things. If it's not there, you don't have to deal with it. Makes me wonder what/who is in Canada. If it is nobody and nothing, perfect. It should be easier to forget things there. Right?

Who am I kidding. I will end up answering these questions myself. What is the point of even asking.

I read the last chapter in my philosophy book about the meaning of life. Nobody knows the answer. Pointless.

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