Stuck

I don't know what to do. I will be going to California soon and some of my friends know about it now. This is all fine and dandy, but because they don't get to see me they want to hang out while I am there. What they don't know is that I want to go there to spend all of what time I have with Carmen. I would like to spend time with all my friends, but I won't have the time. So now I am feeling like a lousy friend because I won't be spending as much time as my friends, or myself, would want. Although I have made plans for double date thing with Shingo, Gabby, Carmen and myself, I still feel bad for not including everyone. Also, seeing as I am going there with nothing but some clothes and a little cash, Carmen and her family will be taking care of everything else and I would feel really bad if all I did was make Carmen drive me around to see my friends. After all, it is her spring break and she should be able to do whatever she wants. And this is only about my friends, I still have family in California that I will feel bad for not visiting too. I am almost beginning to think that maybe this wasn't that great of an idea if I won't be able to spend time with everyone.

I feel like I am disowning my friends and my family on this trip. Brings me back to the question that I may be meant to spend my life alone. After all, I am already on my way because in May I will be moving out of this apartment and into another one by myself. I think Carmen worries about me being alone, but unless I move back in with my parents (extreme last resort), this is my only option. I think that tonight will be difficult for sleep because of all these thoughts. Homework isn't helping either. I also think that these thoughts will be dragging on with me through the weekend. ...it's gonna suck...